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Weird Ways to Cook A Turkey
By Christina Barr
CN Editor-in-Chief
It’s just about that time again and believe me my belly’s been reminding me every day of that big, bountiful meal my mom prepares every year for our traditional Thanksgiving feast! Er, did I say traditional? I suppose the assortment of dishes are traditional – we have a big luscious bird complimented by mom’s original dressing recipe, and my personal favorite: mashed potatoes. Her keen eye ensures the table is always beautifully set. Yep, not only can the woman cook, she’s also a fabulous designer. I keep telling her to open her own design firm, or at least charge a nominal consultation fee to all of her friends who run to her for advice and counsel. But I digress…
We enjoy our morning by waking up to the smell of the turkey simmering in the oven (bless mom’s heart – she’ll get up at four in the morning every year to get that thing cooking no matter how much we protest that she sleep in with the rest of us). I like to hang out in my pajamas until noonish, and bake an apple pie or something yummy for dessert. We get down to some good tunes, like James Brown or Aretha Franklin, while spending some quality time ‘round the bar with a bottle of Don Julio (oh, wait, that usually comes the night before, hence us sleeping in and lounging in PJs all morning). Each year the guest list is a bit of a mystery. Sometimes my brother or I will escort our significant others to the table. Or maybe just bring a stray friend home who couldn’t or wouldn’t make it to their own familial gathering that year. Sometimes people just pop up at the last minute, or come over after their domestic affairs have concluded and end up spending the weekend on our couch or in the hot tub. What can I say? We’re a hap’nin family.
Lately the Thanksgiving trends seem to circle around new or unusual ways to cook a turkey. I think at this point we’re all familiar with the idea of deep-frying a whole turkey. Kind of a funny notion, but probably darn tasty! And why not add something ridiculously saturated in oil to an already highly caloric and carb-heavy meal? After all, at this point, there’s another month to indulge before those New Year resolutions settle in.
There is quite a bit of danger with the whole deep-frying
fiasco, so if you decide to embark upon this messy and
potentially scarring endeavor, make sure you do your
homework and figure out some safety concerns before
you start. For instance, do not attempt to deep-fry
a turkey inside your home, or even anywhere near it.
Yeah yeah, it’s freezing cold outside, probably raining
and chilly, but I assure you that you would rather have
a home to go into and warm up by the fire with a big
mug of cocoa. That is, unless you’d enjoy warming those
frosty hands by the flames licking at the wood siding
on the house. I’m gonna guess you opt for the former.
So make sure to take your deep frier out into the yard,
away from any existing structures and anything flammable
– you might want to kick up some dirt to cover any dry
grass or anything that could spark up. Oh, and try not
to tip the darn thing over. That’s just trouble waiting
to happen. Try to use a smaller-sized bird, as one too
large will cause all sorts of problems and isn’t as
easily deep-fried. And keep that birdie dry, people!
Any excess water or fluids can cause problems when you
drop that sucker into that white-hot vat of oil, like
spillover or splashing (ouch!!). One last thing: keep
a fully-functioning fire extinguisher nearby, preferably
accompanied by a competent honorary fire-fighter, and
all should be well. Maybe a deep-fried twinkie on everybody’s
dessert plate would wrap up the meal nicely! Check out
www.eatturkey.com/consumer/cookinfo/fryturk.html
for some great recipes.
If deep-frying isn’t your thing, or the hazards too
great, there are other alternatives to an ordinarily
baked turkey. You can grill ‘em, which may be a safer
alternative to the former idea, while still getting
outside into the crisp air. These methods are great
for the barbeque cooks in the house, and may even take
some stress of mom during such a busy day. For some
helpful tips and guidelines, visit www.eatturkey.com/consumer/cookinfo/grilling.html.
If you’re really feeling inventive, I think you should take on the Turducken. As you scratch your head in puzzlement trying to figure that out, I’ll explain: a Turducken consists of a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. Perfect for picky guests that all want a different meal, or for those who just can’t make up their mind. Give them everything! Maybe if you try really hard, you can fit some ham in there somewhere. I found this peculiar recipe at www.thesalmons.org/lynn/turducken.html.
But what do you do when your family is extremely large
and cooking several turkeys becomes quite a burden?
Well, there is an easy recipe that serves 80 to 100
eager guests a stuffed camel! All you have to do is
stuff 20 chickens with 60 hard-boiled eggs and some
rice, then stuff a large whole lamb with the chickens
and some more rice, and then stuff a whole medium-size
camel with the lamb. Broil it over a large charcoal
pit (time to go outside again - a great task for dad!)
until brown, and ˇvoila! dinner is served. If you’re
up to this challenge, the recipe is at home.tiac.net/-cri/1997/camel.html.
If the smell of cooking animal flesh brings bile to the tip of your tongue, or the idea of tearing through flesh with your teeth doesn’t make your stomach grumble in hearty anticipation, there is an alternative: Tofurkey! A turkey crafted out of tofu, for the veggies and vegans at heart. You may continue to indulge in the Thanksgiving festivities with the rest of your family and friends without feeling outcast or unfulfilled. Tofu turkeys are relatively easy to make, and depending on the recipe you follow or how inventive you are, can be just as tasty if not more so than the animal version. Basically you would actually mold your combination of extra firm tofu and an array of seasonings into the shape of a turkey, hence the name. A great Tofurkey recipe can be found at www.vegweb.com/food/subs/turkey2.shtml. For a gaggle of other tasty veggie Thanksgiving recipes, visit www.vegkitchen.com/thanksgiving.html.
Ah, but then there is the notion of stuffing versus
dressing. We all know about traditional stuffings and
dressings. What’s the difference, you ask? Stuffing
refers to the actual breaded mixture stuffed into the
turkey prior to baking. This allows the mixture to absorb
all the flavors and drippings from the bird, however
some people argue that it does not reach an ideal cooking
temperature. The alternative to that is dressing, which
is essentially the same concoction as stuffing, though
it is cooked on its own, outside of the bird. Some might
argue that dressing does not attain the right amount
of moisture or flavor that stuffing derives from the
bird, but I can tell you that my mother’s dressing is
by far the best creation on this big beautiful thing
we call earth (and this is coming from a girl that doesn’t
like stuffing or dressing to begin with – I’m all about
the mashed potatoes, remember?).
Be inventive this Thankgiving! Try a new dish or add a new activity to the festivities. You just might like it. My family’s traditions may be newly formed, as life would have it, but we’re keeping them and are always ready to introduce a new one to the lot. I think this year we might have to do a variation on one of the dishes. Turducken, anyone?
For more information, contact Christina Barr at
CBarr@ConnectedNow.com
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